Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

As I sat in my patrol car listening to the dispatcher dispatch me to a call, some questions lurked in the back of my mind. Is this life, all that life has to offer? Working long hours to pay bills, and having little to no money left over to enjoy it? That’s it? I mean, a lot of people would love the opportunity to engage in an adrenalin filled foot chase to catch a bad guy, run into a burning building to save someone’s loved one, or save a person from drowning right? That is what I initially thought to myself over the span of 2.5 years as a police officer which was my dream job.

Being a police officer takes a special kind of person. Waking up every single day knowing that your career is the most hated job on earth. Knowing that everything you say or do is going to be heavily scrutinized by the public, media, and the criminal justice system. Not every person can get up in the dead of night, leave their families, to go protect another’s at any given moment. Nor is every person willing to lay down their lives for the sake of someone they don’t know. As a police officer, you must accept the fact that your life can end at a moment’s notice be it a car accident, shooting, or a heart attack due to the accumulation of stress over a period of time. And most importantly, doing so with little to no reward.

To some, it is a job just like any other job that requires a special kind of skill. But to many, this is a calling. A calling to serve without being asked to. A calling to display love, compassion, and humility for someone in their most vulnerable moments. A calling to render fair judgement on a person who’s lost their way on the path of life in the midst of darkness. This isn’t a job that you get for fast cash to pay bills. This is a career where everyday is constant preparation. Preparation for a constantly changing, forever evolving environment filled with a myriad of unknown circumstances. And for the first time in my life, I must admit, I wasn’t happy with it.

Now to some, it may come as a shocker considering how hard I worked to get to that point. You know, joining the military, criminal justice degree, graduating from one of the top law enforcement academies in the country, no criminal history etc. I mean, I lived my life virtually squeaky clean to have an opportunity to be a law enforcement officer. And through constant struggle and failure, I finally attained it. And through all of the hard work and dedication I gave to have this career, I wasn’t happy. The question I had was “But why?” I struggled over the period of 2 years on the job searching for answers to this question. I spent days, hours, and even entire weekends laying in deep thought racking my brain over it. But what was I searching for?

The answer came to me on an early Wednesday morning during a 12-hour shift at 2:26 am. Traveling. I’m not talking about the saving money here and there to take a trip later on type traveling. I’m talking about world traveling where I’m living and being submerged in cultures far different than my own traveling. Traveling the world has been my life long goal since I was about 14 years old. I achieved some of it while in the military being based in Germany, and also traveling to various countries. But how would I even begin to do something that bold? How would I support myself? These were my first thoughts, as well as my zone partners when I blurted it out to him. At that moment, research became my addiction. My first google search was: “Jobs that travel.” I scanned each article on every page to find the answer for the next week.

Bingo! Teaching English. It made me think about the times when I was young, and my mother would always tell me that when I grew up, she thought I’d be a really good teacher, fire fighter, or police officer. It made me laugh to myself because I thought: “Well I tried one, and look how it’s turning out!” What’s wrong with trying another? You know they say: “A mother always knows best.” And over a period of time, I’ve truly grown to believe that. It’s something magical about a mother’s wisdom where no matter the timing, a mother’s wisdom will always trump yours.

And there I stood at the fork in the road with the biggest decision of my life. Am I really willing to really take this risk? I know nothing about being a teacher. What if I fail? If I fail, would I have ruined everything that I’ve done up until this point, and cannot return? These are real questions that I think anybody faced with a decision of this magnitude would ask themselves. The biggest fear of taking a risk at anything in life, is the fear of failure. Everyone fears taking a chance, failing, and ruining their lives while chasing a dream. This fear leaves people powerless, mediocre, and unhappy. I was one of those people. I’m not saying that police work is a mediocre job by no means, but the inability to take a risk to achieve something greater, which results in being stagnant.

I continued my research on good schools to apply with over the next few weeks. If anything, I would at least pursue this avenue to the end and see what happens. I was recommended by a friend to try the International TEFL Academy, which is arguably the best school to attend for this type of job. TEFL is an acronym for Teaching English as a Foreign Language. I went to the website and instantly fell in love with the success stories told by other teachers. It made me feel like I wasn’t alone in how I felt about my life at the moment. I got into contact with a counselor, who did an amazing job of explaining to me what to expect, and how to prepare for it. Additionally, she told me that with me being a military veteran that they’d take half the price off the tuition! Is that more of a sign or what?! So without any hesitation or contemplation, I signed up for the course.

The course was very detailed and really teaches you how to teach others. I went from not knowing how to teach the ABC’s, to writing lesson plans, teaching lessons for different learning styles, and how to manage a classroom of rowdy students without wanting to swallow dive onto them. The course was about 5 months in total. After completing the course, I immediately placed my resume online to see what kind of offers I’d get. Coincidentally, about 20 minutes after doing so, I was bombarded with emails from schools in Taiwan, Thailand, China, Japan, Colombia, and Chile. I was instantly overwhelmed. What the heck am I going to do with all of these places?! What helped me was another goal of mine that I set when I was 14. I wanted to move to Asia at some point in my adult life. Well, now I have the golden opportunity right? After careful research, my heart landed in Shanghai China. A vast, fast-paced, internationally diverse hub full of numerous adventures and opportunities yet to be explored. The largest city in all of China full of colorful night life, art, exquisite cuisines, and culture. I finally settled with a well renown school in Shanghai to teach.

I decided that life was too short to not enjoy it. To spend my life working my knuckles into the ground for 20 years, and not really getting the chance to live. I don’t want 20 years to past me by and I think: “Well that was fast!” I want to take each minute, each hour, and each day smiling from the bottom of my heart because I am enjoying life. To chase dreams, catch them, and live life to the fullest. That is what life is about right? As I sit here in my small but cozy hotel room in the heart of Shanghai, I look back and think that the will to live, the support of friends and family, and the courage to take a risk made it all worth it. I turned in all of my police gear and uniforms, I gave away all of my possessions (except my Xbox of course), and I boarded a long 15-hour flight to Shanghai. I don’t know what lies ahead at this point. I could very well wake up tomorrow, and fail and think that I made the worst decision of my life. But that’s ok because today I’m happy. I’ll let tomorrow’s thoughts come when it’s their time. I’m going to live in the present, which a lot of us commonly forget to do. And right now, I am still pinching myself because I actually did it!

So I implore you all to journey with me throughout Shanghai and other parts of China and Asia. Lets enjoy this adventure. If you are unhappy with your life right now, I strongly suggest searching that dark corner of your heart that seeps out from time to time to remind you it’s there. One thing I can tell you about unhappiness is that it is a harbinger of ill-advised feelings of guilt, insecurities, and depression. The best way to overcome it is by surrounding yourself with people who genuinely care about you. People who will instill confidence in you, uplift you and support you without letting you overcome your obstacles alone. If it worked for me, I’m quite sure it can work for you as well. Until next time…